Forgiveness as Allowing Space

If forgiveness is the letting go of your anger at the harm that was done to you, then it requires humility. Even when we choose not to tangibly repay harm with harm, we project harm when we remain angry. There is no forgiveness in clenched teeth—only a suppression of our desire to lash out. Forgiveness is not something that you will your mind to do, but is a result of believing that even though anger resides in you, you don’t let that anger determine your actions. You humble your feelings. You don’t give them the power to create a chain reaction of other behaviors or emotions. 

According to John Chryssavgis in In the Heart of the Desert: The Spirituality of the Desert Fathers and Mothers, “allowing or sharing space” is the literal meaning of the Greek term synchoresis, which, in the English equivalent translation, is the word forgiveness. 

Forgiveness is about allowing or sharing space for the harm done and the emotions involved. It is a space for yourself and your grieving. It is also a space for the person who has harmed you to allow them to be where they are, whether in terms of their current emotions or the emotions that led them to harm you. Both people share the same space even though the perspectives will be different. Humility that quiets the shouts and grievances of your ego allows this space to exist. When you are able to share a space with the cause and symptoms of your pain despite the discomfort, without the desire to counteract or avoid them, then you are finally on the path of forgiving and moving on.