The Art of Creating and Maintaining a Household
The Western society underestimates and undervalues the art of creating and maintaining a household. It is not a job—there is no boss to tell you what to do, no coworker to help you learn the ropes, no third party that you have to please. It is not just a chore, although it can feel like a series of chores. Checking off a list of items on a to-do list does not create a household. Whether you are a household of one or many, a household is not something that just begins to exist once you start living inside a structure that you call your home. As the name suggests, it is a holding together of both physical and emotional spaces, routines, and commitments that are made to oneself and to the other members of the household. It is giving ourselves a safe place where we can eat when we are hungry, rest when we are tired, pursue creative endeavors, or reflect on the days that have passed and those that are to come.
Nourishment, rest, pursuit, and reflections are giant achievements for a person. Yet they are only made possible by accomplishing the small necessities of life. The food must be cooked, the dishes washed, the laundry folded, the cabinets and windows wiped. All of these activities while juggling the budget, the sudden breaking of appliances, the wearing away of time, not to mention the physical walls that surround us, and the changes in the emotional needs of the self and those who live with us. It is a constant shifting from creativity to perseverance to resilience, from mental exercise to manual labor.
The question is why do we do all this. Why do we bother with a household? Why not dig a hole somewhere and crouch inside it for the rest of our remaining days?
It is done because we love. Creating and participating together in something larger than our own physical selves is the utmost form of intimacy and communion. This intimacy applies regardless of the number of people in the house. Even as one person, we create and participate with ourselves, for ourselves, for that moment at night when we are curled up on the slightly raggy couch under the warm glow of the lamp. A household is both a space and a living being. It is a puzzle that we repeatedly scatter and fit together. It is hard going most of the time, but the work is beautiful.